Next to our exciting adventures we love to talk, think and write about the more intellectual aspects of our lifestyle.
Of course we are focused on having fun and are excited to share all of this with you. But here you get an even more intimate insight in our inner world. You get to read about how we see and experience this erotic world.
You will get to know us even better and you will see that it's not just sexy good fun, but underlying it is our unique way of enhancing the empowerment of women.
What defines a relationship as being great? Is it the length of time of being together? Is it the willingness to contribute to each other? Is it the space you are willing to give another person? Is it picking fights so you know where the other person is at?
I've had one long term relationship of 14 years, where we both were willing to contribute to each others well being. From a space of love and appreciation. Until we both came to a point where we realized that it wasn't working for us both anymore. Our relationship had become constrictive and there was hardly any space for a breather. The match was gone and we were on a path of destroying each other rather than contributing to each other to become another better version of ourselves. We broke up our relationship with respect, reverence and gratitude towards each other. Of course there was pain, hurt and sadness. There as space for that too, but we did not use that as a justification that the other was wrong or the relationship was wrong. It just simply didn't work for us anymore. And we were honest about it. So we sold the house, made a plan for the kids. And nowadays there isn't a day we don't speak to each other about the kids or other things that are going on in our lives.
I think that what makes a relationship great is the willingness to be brutally honest with yourself in what you desire, knowing that you are responsible for your own choices and also the willingness to receive the contribution of others. It's the space of being vulnerable with yourself, getting uncomfortably honest and daring to share that with others. Not creating dependency of the other person to fulfill your needs. No one person can fulfill all of your needs. Not even yourself... But rather having that space of in dependency and individualism and at the same time being open to receive what others have to offer and looking at what is created together. No person is the same. And in the multi scope of colors everything and everyone can add something to your life. At the same time it is your willingness to receive it without judgement that determines how much of a caleodoscope of life you are willing to be. It takes trust and honoring of yourself. A level of intimacy with yourself so you can have the space and the other. And you've got to know what you desire. Not so much of how it is supposed to look like, but what desires you have that you wish to be fulfilled. That's the starting point for everything. If it doesn't work for you, then it's 'Thank you, but no thanks!'. And then move on. No judgement involved, just choice.
So what makes a relationship great? I think in the end it's your willingness to be you no matter what. And then look for someone to add to your life that would at least bring 20 times more fun, joy, honoring and a hell of a lot of seks! What if having a relationship is not out of necessity but from you being you and that other person can be who they are. Including giving the other person the space they need.
Everywhere where you make things mean something destroys the fun. Because you start tripping about it (and if you are a woman, chances are huge that you've gone a little crazy sometimes). So relax into the presence of each other, enjoy yourselves, keep being you no matter what. Be grateful that the other is making the effort to text you, call you and spend time with you. And keep asking yourself 'Will it be fun? Will I learn something new? Will this contribute to me?'. If there's a NO in there, ask yourself if you are willing to spend time and energy with someone that is not that contributing to your world. It doesn't mean you have to break it off, but something needs to change for it to become fun, light and easy again. This also goes for the ongoing relationships!
And what if we get out of the mind space that it has to be one person. What if we are willing to have all types of people show up that are willing to help us, contribute to us and make our life more easy and fun. What if you are willing to look at what actually works for you instead of what you think that works for you or should work for you.
So go... Go and have fun... Go play... Go and live your dreams... Because the only one stopping you, is yourself!
The Love of my Life
I sight, and think about all the moments I laid in your arms and didn't have to think about anything. Everything was just OK. Nothing mattered, nothing had to be said, it was just the way it was. In your arms I felt free, in you arms I felt safe.
We talked, laughed, cried, fantasized, argued and made love. You are one of the only ones who ever saw the real me. The real me and all of me. I didn't pretend, I didn't hide, I didn't try.
I wonder sometimes, why you? What about you made me feel so free to be myself?
You let me be, you never judged, you listened to all my stories, you took me for who I was. That I am grateful for. Being completely myself, jumping up and down the bed. How I felt then is a feeling I long sometimes. The world didn't seem to matter, it was just you and me in our little bubble. I loved the way you looked at me, so intriguing, so loving and so wondrous. Your eyes revealed you liked every little thing about me. It was the most special feeling I have ever had.
Nowadays I meet men who can't keep up with me. Nowadays I meet men who I tend to shock. I miss being myself and never have to worry. I miss someone who let's me be free like a butterfly and unconditionally lets me land on his shoulder whenever I need.
Sander, I miss you.
Sometimes I wonder about how it would be....
It's rare to find, maybe one day I will again.
What is intimacy to you? How does it make you feel? With whom do you feel most intimate with? And do you allow yourself to be intimate with yourself?
Intimacy for me has the sense of being all of me with myself firstly. That I allow myself to be all of me with me; the good, the bad, the beauty and the ugly. I’ve made some stupid mistakes, put people off, rejected them, slamming doors shut and running away to a comfortable distance. Once I started to accept myself for who I am, with all the thoughts, projections and expectations. A true space of being me was created and the need for interacting with others and the things that used to come up slowly disappeared. I stopped involving others in old hurts and fears. Of course I slipped up sometimes and still do sometimes, but from that I also learned to have more vulnerability for me. Vulnerability is a sense of space where I choose to stay with the uncomfortableness of the situation without judgement. Instead of reacting from it I choose to stay with it and act out of it. So now I choose speak to friends about it, write about it, cry about it. Just saying things out loud and giving expression makes it lighter for me. Out of that space I make new choices that honor me. I ask myself, what choice makes me happier? What can I do and be that honors more of me. If I want my life to be the way I like it, I have to make choices that are in line with that. And along the way things pop up, I look at it and deal with it. My motion is always forward and open to change. And take accountability for my choices. I am the only one responsible for my life. And I make out to be the empress of it! In order to that I have to trust myself in that I know what works for me. And if a choice doesn’t work for me, I have the honouring of me to make another choice.
And when I am all of this with me, there is a space of invitation to be this with others too. Of course things still come up in interactions. Truly trusting others is a process for me too. With some people it’s instantaneous and with others it has to grow. The growth in trust is usually because of my own expectations, projections and old hurts. It’s discovering a new aspect of myself over and over again. And that’s a true adventure of living a human life.
This intimacy with others is also allowing the other person do the hell they want and to never take it personally. It’s their needs and desires, who am I to make them wrong for it or to tell them they are not allowed to do it? I’m willing to loose absolutely everything. And with that I it all. And if people leave, judge me, love me, hate me; it still is their prerogative. Making a big deal out of it won’t help and, honestly, I prefer to invest my time and energy in people that are will to have fun with me and create more. And of course it’s shit when somebody says good bye, it hurts especially when I would have desired something else. But it is what it is. I choose to have that acceptance of all of it all, I make other choices that work for me and create a lightness of me in my world. How can it ever go wrong if I choose to have my own back?
Being In Love
There are many ways of falling in love. A friend of mine recently explained to me that for him falling in love means that you think about that person all the time, you want to be with that person and that you wake up thinking about that person. He told me that you immediately feel it in your stomach when you see that person for the very first time.
Well, in a way I am kind of jealous. I have never experienced any of this in my life.
My way of falling in love is falling in love with the person because of his personality. When I get to know someone better I appreciate the other person so much it makes me let down all my walls. When I trust someone I get this unbelievable warm feeling. It is a feeling of being totally myself and I know the other person loves me for who I am and lets me be myself.
Falling in love with a complete stranger sounds very scary to me. What are the chances of this person being the one for you. What if you both are yourself and it doesn't work? What if that electricity feeling in your stomach is the only thing that keeps you together eventhough you are not happy?
I have seen people being in love who have lost their own identity and were not able to make the
conscious decisions you would normally be able to make, because of this feeling of love.
A scary, powerful thing love is, isn't?
I spent my whole life fighting against ever putting myself in a position where love takes over my life. Fighting against loosing myself and have the need to stay with the other person because the worlds stops turning if you would just be on your own two feet. Fighting against having to make compromises which I would not have to make if I wasn't in a relationship.
That is not the being in love I want for myself. But what is being in love for me? Because living without love, just because I have seen that it can destroy everything you have, isn't the solution either. I can tell you, it took me a while to realize this.
To me being in love means choosing consciously for that person every day again. To me being in love means embracing the fact of two lives together. To me being in love is being confident in yourself that, even though you are in love, you still have the option to end the relationship at anytime.
To me being in love is not compromising beyond my personal boundaries but it is about finding that right person who fits within them. A love where I can thrust that the decisions I make is also healthy for the other person. I would like to be in love with someone and be confident in the fact that I do not hurt the other person when I am being absolutely myself. I would like to be in love with someone who I can let go and know all his actions are his own choices and doesn't hurt my life in any way.
That is the meaning of ultimate love to me.
Love is so much more than just these adolescent butterflies that you feel in the pit of your stomach. Love is so much more than thinking about a person all the time, wanting to be with that person or think about that person first thing when you wake up.
I can only be in love with someone I trust, with someone who wants all the best for me. Even if the best would be not being together. I can only be with someone if I knew that he would be good to me, kind to me, healthy for me not because he feels like he needs to be like that but because he chooses it. Only if I would always feel the freedom of choice to be in love, I would love to be in love.
And maybe when I find that special person this electricity feeling in my stomach will grow slowly
out of trust and Love.
Only on these conditions falling in love for me means Freedom to Love ♡
I am lying here sipping my Corona and thinking about the rollercoaster of the past few weeks.
Wow, it’s been a true miracle. The ease with which you came into my life is breath taking and sends a shock through my system. Do I settle for the first and best that wants to go for me? Am I too easy? Or is this true? Is this genuine? What adventure have I begun now?
I feel like a kid that’s been given it’s most wanted and most favorite toy ever for her birthday. How did I get so lucky? It’s Christmas, New Years and my birthday all wrapped into one.
You jumped on my speedtrain by an invite by Zoë and didn’t leave. No man has been able to see all aspects of me with such an ease and allowance. It feels like a true miracle. Late at night after another night full of passion, sex, talks and laughter you whispered in my ear ‘You give me hope for true love and sex again’. And the next morning you stand there in my kitchen making me breakfast while moving surely around with your muscular body.
I can’t take my eyes off of you.
You step into my zone and I feel comfortable and cherished. Through your eyes I get to see myself in another light. You see my strength, my courage, my freedom, my independence, my kindness, my intelligence, my beauty, you see the way I move my body. You listen to me rant in the light of the upcoming sun about how I see life, to stop me midsentence with a passionate kiss telling me how amazed you are by me. You relish in the way I enjoy our pleasure. And you savour the taste of my lips on yours. I can look into your eyes and see you while you see me. We make true love, we fuck and we come. There is no end and no beginning when we are in bed. And time truly stops when we envelop ourselves in our kiss. I catch a glimpse of my own reflection in the mirror and see that my eyes glister and shine like fire.
We laugh to no end and jump on the next train with a speed we both surprise ourselves with. With one look we tell each other everything.
And with a nod the decision is made.
Yes, Women watch porn too.
A disaster, I remember my first time like it was yesterday.
Watching porn for the first time with my first boyfriend. It was the most awful experience ever. All the short video's passed the screen while my boyfriend was anxiously waiting for me to pick one of them.
Sounds familiar? I don't know if every woman has the same but I feel a sense of sorry for the young girls. Maybe because we don't just watch the video's but as women we are the ones identifying with them. How can I identify myself with an 18 years old girl who ran away from home and accidentally ended up in porn for 3 months and then has to return home? I decided to investigate! I started looking for pornstars who I can identify with. I was so curious to find out if they existed. It didn't take me long to find them. I looked beyond the normal daily porn and actually found some girls who really enjoyed sex, looked beautiful and just rolled into porn because it suited them. I watched some interviews, looked at their instagram and realised these girls are well paid actresses. Watching their movies suddenly didn't feel bad anymore. I wasn't sorry for these girls, these girls choose porn as their career and make good money out of it. Probably one of the few jobs out there where women make more than men. They must love sex, just like me. They know their bodies, they know what make them orgasm and they have sex with the best male pornstars there are. Yees, I am starting to feel a little jealous. Well, a few years later and after writing all these erotic stories, I am inspired to direct a porn movie. I have heard about all these female friendly porn videos and I have to admit I am not sure if women are actually watching these. So here a shout out: What do women want to see in a porn movie!? What I would like to see is a movie in which I can identify with the female actress. I want to see the movie and while playing with myself imagine being her. I want to pleasure myself and get aroused and inspired by what I see. Let myself go and just get lost in the sex. So, what do you say? Shall we get these porn videos going?
I love the hunt.
I love the freedom.
I love the space to choose who to play with.
It makes me feel alive.
It reminds me of my independence and my own invulling for all my desires.
That I am free to roam the world at a spees and in a way that satisfies my needs.
Because I am the only one capable and responsible for taking action for those needs to be met.
I ask, I choose, I demand.
Unbound I feel the freedom to play.
This kept me away from my deepest desire of intimacy.
Sharing the naked truth together at a level of connection I only am willing to share with a few people.
I have been exploring this part of me with 1 person.
This level of connection has taught me so much. But this single focus makes me feel focussed and bound.
One person cannot meet all my needs. I desire the feel of walking on a playground and seeing, feeling, choosing who I want to play with. The excitement of something new, unpredictable, something unmet and the endless variations to play the game of seduction.
And winning it, being won over and surrendering to the sweet sensations coursing through my body.
Being the empress of my universe.
And unleash the Godess in me